Parenting

Discipleship: Parenting
Deuteronomy 6
. Please do not dismiss what I am going to say with the attitude that what would he know about parenting a teenager or twenty something or older. I am not going to give you my advice as a parent nor the wisdom of this age. I wouldn't be so arrogant as to think that as a father I know better than any of the rest of you or have done a better job than some of you.  I am going, as I try to do in each blog, to share God's Word with you. It is God's Word that has something to say to us as parents  and it is to this that I want to turn our minds and hearts now.
Look at Deuteronomy chapter 6. Allow me to set the context for you. The people of Israel are camped east of the Jordan. Canaan, the Promised Land, lies across the Jordan to the west. Moses calls the people together and reminds them of all that has happened to them since leaving Mount Sinai. He is giving the people of God final instructions before they cross the Jordan to the Promised Land. As you know he will not be crossing over with them because of his disobedience. A generation has died out over the 40 years they have wandered in the wilderness. That is the context of these words recorded for us in Deuteronomy 6. We only read a small portion of chapter 6 but we will venture beyond the first nine verses as we look to see what God would say to us about being His disciples in parenting children.
Verses 1-3 Learn about God yourself. Moses begins his exhortation to the people of God by calling, or recalling, them to the 'fear of the Lord' (v2). Did you notice that Moses extends this to the children and the grandchildren of the people of God? The 'fear of the Lord' is the basis of godly Christian parenthood. When we hear the word 'fear' we immediately think of something to be scared of or something which makes us afraid. Whilst the use of fear here does have something of that, it is not the central focus of the usage of the word here. The central thought and focus is that the people of God are to stand in awe of God. The phrase the 'fear of the Lord' incorporates reverence and respect. God reminds them of who He is, what He has done for them in the past and what He is about to do for them as they lift their eyes across Jordan. 'The fear of the Lord' speaks to them of the totality of a right and devout relationship to and with God. That 'fear' was based on the faithfulness of God to the covenant promises made to His people. Their understanding of 'the fear of the Lord' is based on their knowledge, their experience and the teaching of the Passover, the Exodus and the wilderness wanderings of 40 years. All of their individual and national experiences, all of their knowledge and the teaching concerning the Lord God are brought together in the phrase 'the fear of the Lord.' It is this that they are to teach their children and their grandchildren. Stop for a moment and think about this generation who are hearing these words spoken by Moses. It was their parent's generation who had experienced the slavery of Egypt. It was their parent's generation who had experienced the Passover and the deliverance from Egypt. It was their parent's generation who had walked through the Red Sea on dry land. It was their parent's generation who first ate manna from heaven. It was their parent's generation who rebelled and condemned them to wander for 40 years and who experienced God's gracious provision in those years. It was their parent's generation who witnessed the pillar of cloud by day and fire by night as they left the slavery Egypt. It was their parent's generation who saw water flow from a stone and who saw the glory of God descend on to Mount Sinai. The generation standing before Moses, with the exception of Caleb and Joshua, are the next generation and knew only of the Passover and Exodus by the teaching of their parent as they celebrated the Passover each year. Moses wants them to pass on this knowledge, this teaching about God to their children and to their children's children. Yet they cannot pass on what they do not know for themselves.
In leadership there is a lesson called 'the Law of the Lid.' It is quite simple really. You cannot take people beyond what you know yourself. There comes a lid in your leadership beyond which you cannot lead. There is a lid to parenting as well. You cannot teach and lead your children where you have not been yourself. If you do not know God yourself then you cannot lead your children to God. If you do not know the Word of God you cannot teach your children the Word of God. So the very first instruction Moses gives them, and us, is to fear the Lord so that they, and we, can teach their, our, children and children's children to do the same.
It wasn't until I got into my twenties that fully appreciated the godly Christian parenting of my mum and my maternal grandparents. My greatest regret is not telling them sooner and more often how much their 'fear of the Lord' has meant to me in later life. What about you as a parent? Do you know God personally? Would your children say you fear the Lord?
Live what you profess - verses 4-9
The very first things that a Hebrew child learned from their parents - the Shema. It is the greatest commandment - total commitment to God. Moses asserts that there is only one true God and it is the God of Israel. In Matthew 22.37-38; Mark 12.29-30 and Luke 10.27 Christ Jesus states that this is the first and the greatest of all the commandments - total commitment to God. Verse 5 gathers the totality of a person together and asserts that it is with all that a person is that they are to love God. There is here the tying together of love, obedience and loyalty towards God in the covenant that He has brought to fruition as they stand on the banks of the Jordan looking over into the Promised Land.
In verses 6-9 the people of God are called to impress this commandment upon their children and their children's children. These commandments were to govern their hearts, their lives, their homes and the paths they took.
What lesson had their parents and grandparents learnt since leaving Egypt? Looking at these verses I can only conclude that they had learned that it was not sufficient to say that they loved God with their lips if their lives did not support that claim. The incident with the golden calf and their failure to trust God when the spies brought back their message about the Promised Land showed the consequences of lives that did not agree with lips that praised God.
Let me bring this up to date for you. Do you realise as parents how difficult it is for young people to love God and follow God when they witness you say one thing with your lips and another with your lives? Do you realise the impossible task that you place on the leadership of your church when you live lives that deny the Word of God but expect your children to come to church Sunday by Sunday? Ask yourself  what message has your life, not your words, but your life spoken to your children in this past week? Do you ban them from watching things on TV and then spend hours watching inappropriate material yourself? Do you ask them about reading their bibles, about praying etc but they never see the bible in your hand or hear your voice in prayer. Do you call them to be honest whilst you lie? Do you expect them to live a life in conformity to the Word of God when you yourself deny it with the way you live?
Children learn from our example - what is my example? Let me say to you that there are some things I am glad I learned from my parents and there are some things I try not to repeat from my parents. They were not perfect but I am thankful to God that they taught modelled important Christian characteristics for me.
Verses 7-9 teach what you have learned. When you see your children following Christ's example encourage them to keep going. They need encouragement as much as correction from you. Teach them the importance of doing things for the glory of God and not for any reward. Teach them what you have learned of Christ by word, by deed, by the way you direct your home life and the paths you take in life. Model it for them. May I ask you fathers: Will your sons be good husbands if they follow your model? Will your daughters choose good husbands if they choose a man like you? Mothers - the same questions to you? Grandparents, what a responsibility is placed on you here. You know grandparents have an unbelievable influence on grandchildren. Your wiser, your older and you realise the mistakes (at least you should) that you made with your own children - but do you set godly examples to your grandchildren? Those of you who have been asked to be godparents - do you take that seriously? You pray regularly for your godchildren? Set them a good example?
Verses 10-19  take a moment and read these verses closely. You will see the guidance God gives to you as parents. Here are commands and warnings that we are to learn ourselves and then we are to teach to our children. There is a warning not to forget God when things are going well in life. How easy it is for people to forget all about God when life seems to be going well. How easy it is for many of our parents  to forget God when holiday time comes around. What are we teaching our children about God there? Do we set our children the example of thanking God for His blessings in our life? Does God get the glory and the praise when things are going well? Or does He get the blame when things are going wrong in our eyes?
Also you will notice in these verses that there is a warning that we are not to get distracted by the things of this world - remember these are the things we are to teach our children.
Friends if you want to be a godly parent then you must guard your children with all your strength because satan will use many things of this world to tempt them away from the path of God. As a parent exercise your God-given responsibility in your own life not to follow other gods. Let me say to you we need to rediscover and recover parenting in the Christian church. Stop listening to the pop psychology of the world and all its experts and listen to the Word of God. Be a father and be a mother to your children. I know for some of you no one ever modelled it for you. I know for some of you that your mum and dad let you down in how they behaved or didn't behave but don't follow their example - take responsibility for yourself as a father and as a mother. The reading from Ezekiel tells us clearly that each of us is responsible for our own lives before God. There is a distinct difference between influence and choice. It is important that we learn that distinction. Your parents might have had a bad influence on your life, they may still do but they do not make the choices for you and you are not programmed to make bad choices because of the way you were parented. You may be influenced by past bad decisions but they do not determine future action. Influence only goes as far as I allow it to go and I must take responsibility for my choices. If your parents did not set good examples, did not follow the Word of God then seek out godly role models and learn from them. I love my father dearly but for most of my life he was not a Christian. I never saw him read a bible, I learned that from my mother. As I said I love my father dearly but I don't want to follow his example in that part of my life. I don't want Jude(my son) to have to seek out other men to model godly manhood and fatherhood for him - that is my calling in his life and under God I want to fulfil that calling. Please, please take on board personal responsibility and accountability from the reading from Ezekiel.
Therefore, as a Christian father there will be things that I will not allow Jude to wear, places I will not allow him to go, things I will not allow him to watch and things I will not permit him to do. There will be things I will not allow into my home. Does that make me a mean Dad? No, I am exercising God-given, God-ordained responsibility as a father. I am called of God to set the spiritual temperature and tone of my home and I am, quite frankly, being sinful if I fail to do that. Parents it is not a popularity concert. It is not about being friends with my children. That will one day come. When they are young they need a father and a mother more than they need a friend.
It is about being a parent and exercising that God-given responsibility in the home and in the life of children entrusted to our care by Almighty God. One day we will answer for the way we have parented our children, therefore, guard your children.
In closing: Prepare for trying times - verses 20-25. Trying times will come, they always do. Even in the bible parents had wayward children. Adam had Cain. David had Absalom. Christ even used the story of a wayward child. We all know that trying times will come as parents but we can prepare for those trying times. Look at verses 20-25. God told the people of Israel that when they had entered the Promised Land and they were following the ways of God their children would ask 'Why?' Don't you just love that question from the lips of children? 'Why?' You are so tempted to answer 'because I said so...' God doesn't say that to the people of Israel. He tells them to explain the reasons - because of the covenant love of God and the deliverance of God of His people from slavery and the gift of the Promised Land. Your children, my child, will ask 'Why?' The answer will be in the years before those days - the years that we have taught and modelled the Word of God and lived out the Word of God before them. You know one of the saddest parts of ministry is when you encounter people who think that the pastor, the teacher, the social worker, the doctor or the policeman will sort their children out for them. I am not saying that they do not have a role and please understand me I am not saying that it is all down to bad parenting but often such people come on the scene when it is too late - the horse had bolted years before. It is your responsibility, and my responsibility, as a parent to teach them and model for them the answers to the 'Why?' questions. God tells the people of Israel that the answer to 'Why?' is found in His dealings with His people in the past and their present following of the commandments of God. Why would we depart from that instruction as parents and expect to have the answers at the 'why' moment?
The choice is before you. Are you going to follow the instruction of the Word of God and be totally committed to Him and live that out in word and deed before you children or not? Are you going to take responsibility for being a godly parent by following the Word of God, even when it conflicts with the way of the world? Amen.